Noone told me what it was like to transition away from your single child and into the vast endless universe of two.
At week three of new sibling, our lady has hit the wall.
"No More Brother!" to quote her, precisely.
What can I say to her? The baby is kind of dependent on me for survival. Not her problem though.
I understand her pain, but the new kid on the block deserves a chance.
Complicated!
Summary at this point in time: it's raining, both are asleep much too late in the day, I have Tom Waits and a glass of red wine. Hmmm.
Seems a wiser activity choice than reading any literature that assures me all of this is 'normal'.
Am ready with open arms for the day when post-partum hormonal imbalance has finally passed, my girl is happy with her mini-universe, and we settle into the groove of abnormal, underslept, transitional, new-baby life for a little while.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
Assured transition to mild insanity.
Okay, so the love hormones have passed. It was nice while they were there.
And now?
Now I find myself insisting on 5 minutes of silence just as soon as it is plausible. I refuse to take any questions or conversation openers from my co-parent, I close the door. And I sit quietly, enjoying the minutes as they pass with noone wanting anything from me. Usually this moment comes at about 9.45pm each day.
Um, is this normal?
Of course if you read any literature that canvasses the minefield of family life, babies, kids etc, you will find something that tells you almost any experience, thought or sensation is 'normal'. I say there is no normal in this most chaotic, insane of times. Creation of a new human being is no small feat, neither is ensuring ongoing survival of new bundle as the days and weeks roll on.
The days are all passing in a blur at the moment. I just finished an email with "have a great weekend", before it dawned on me it was Tuesday. I think it is Christmas soon, but I can't be sure. Coffee and enormous donuts are my staple, and yes - I suspect there is a paragraph in a patronising book somewhere that states "addiction to caffeine and trans-fats at this stage of post-partum is completely normal and to be expected". So I will continue. To simply survive.
Another thing - hapless members of the public seem to feel as free to comment on the physical appearance of the post-partum woman in much the same way as they did when she/I was about 11 months pregnant.
Eg:
Hapless yet happy citizen to me:
"Oh wow, you're doing well to be out and about"
Me:
"Thanks!"
Inside my head:
"WTF do you think I should be doing? Slowly dying in the privacy of my own home under a 100kg pile of used nappies?"
Eg:
Hapless yet happy citizen to me:
"Gee, you don't look like you've just given birth."
Me:
"Thanks!"
Inside my head:
"Yeah, I have actually showered and washed off the afterbirth since delivery."
Only another 12 months of broken sleep and we will be in the clear!
Yes, it is an amazing experience. Yes, we do it for the love.
But just don't tell me this is 'normal'.
It is anything but!
And now?
Now I find myself insisting on 5 minutes of silence just as soon as it is plausible. I refuse to take any questions or conversation openers from my co-parent, I close the door. And I sit quietly, enjoying the minutes as they pass with noone wanting anything from me. Usually this moment comes at about 9.45pm each day.
Um, is this normal?
Of course if you read any literature that canvasses the minefield of family life, babies, kids etc, you will find something that tells you almost any experience, thought or sensation is 'normal'. I say there is no normal in this most chaotic, insane of times. Creation of a new human being is no small feat, neither is ensuring ongoing survival of new bundle as the days and weeks roll on.
The days are all passing in a blur at the moment. I just finished an email with "have a great weekend", before it dawned on me it was Tuesday. I think it is Christmas soon, but I can't be sure. Coffee and enormous donuts are my staple, and yes - I suspect there is a paragraph in a patronising book somewhere that states "addiction to caffeine and trans-fats at this stage of post-partum is completely normal and to be expected". So I will continue. To simply survive.
Another thing - hapless members of the public seem to feel as free to comment on the physical appearance of the post-partum woman in much the same way as they did when she/I was about 11 months pregnant.
Eg:
Hapless yet happy citizen to me:
"Oh wow, you're doing well to be out and about"
Me:
"Thanks!"
Inside my head:
"WTF do you think I should be doing? Slowly dying in the privacy of my own home under a 100kg pile of used nappies?"
Eg:
Hapless yet happy citizen to me:
"Gee, you don't look like you've just given birth."
Me:
"Thanks!"
Inside my head:
"Yeah, I have actually showered and washed off the afterbirth since delivery."
Only another 12 months of broken sleep and we will be in the clear!
Yes, it is an amazing experience. Yes, we do it for the love.
But just don't tell me this is 'normal'.
It is anything but!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A birth.
Our boy has been born. Now our family has a small pink grunting bundle that comes with us everywhere, and I am lucky enough to once again experience the total euphoria, confusion, emotion, love and fatigue that a new small person brings to your life.
I smell his head, and it reminds me of exactly the same period in life when our girl was a week or two old. Such a distinctive and warm smell, and it links my present directly with the past of two years ago. Amazing.
I lie in bed at night listening to the chorus of grunts coming from the basket, and happily drift off to sleep knowing he is happy, as opposed to listening for every breath, to ensure there is life. Oh how I am loving the added comfort that comes with kind of knowing what I am doing this time.
And there is so much love flowing in all directions. It is beautiful to have created siblings that will grow together, and it is so awesome to have done it with my partner on the dancefloor. Happily, we have adjusted to a life together as parents, and I feel less inclined to kick his sleeping body in the bed while doing a 2am feed this time around.
We both still wonder how we ended up with two car seats in the back of a station wagon .... it all seemed to happen so fast. We were cool and fun and happening not that long ago!
And now - we are family.
It totally rocks.
Feeling the love love love from all angles.
I smell his head, and it reminds me of exactly the same period in life when our girl was a week or two old. Such a distinctive and warm smell, and it links my present directly with the past of two years ago. Amazing.
I lie in bed at night listening to the chorus of grunts coming from the basket, and happily drift off to sleep knowing he is happy, as opposed to listening for every breath, to ensure there is life. Oh how I am loving the added comfort that comes with kind of knowing what I am doing this time.
And there is so much love flowing in all directions. It is beautiful to have created siblings that will grow together, and it is so awesome to have done it with my partner on the dancefloor. Happily, we have adjusted to a life together as parents, and I feel less inclined to kick his sleeping body in the bed while doing a 2am feed this time around.
We both still wonder how we ended up with two car seats in the back of a station wagon .... it all seemed to happen so fast. We were cool and fun and happening not that long ago!
And now - we are family.
It totally rocks.
Feeling the love love love from all angles.
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