Reflections on the way life used to be ... from a crazy pregnant person.

Pregnancy is such a 'magical' time .... isn't it just? The sciatica, the increasingly uncomfortable sleeps, the disappointing wardrobe options that shrink with every centimetre you go the other way, the way you need an actual hoist to get off the couch as times goes on, reflux, hatred of wine - your life long friend ... and it goes on. The last time I was pregnant I'm pretty sure I obsessed about every stage/minor change and complained loudly, often. This time I like to think I've been much more stoic and selfless, my body is a temple ... albeit not mine, etc etc.

In any pregnancy however, I think it is safe to say some things are consistently lacking appeal/relevance (and best avoided):

1) Drunk people, especially close loved ones who forget they are drunk and you are cold stone sober, for the 26th week in a row.

2) Body waxing - Jesus Christ. The pain.

3) Dance floors, again the drunk people. No thanks, I really meant it when I said I didn't want to dance, you see I have gained 8 kg in the last few months, most of it located at a crucial tipping point on my front. And just to remind concerned people who still can't quite understand why you are not having fun, again ... the 26th consecutive week of sobriety. Boring, isn't it?

4) The pool guys cleaning the pool - 3 guys, one pregnant belly and a neon bikini. I don't think so.

5) Any TV program on childbirth, esp. where something goes wrong. It really is as though it is your own child. Avoid. Avoid. Avoid.

6) Anyone who has been within 200m of the Weigh Inn Hotel. Avoid.

7) Multiple sets of stairs, toddler, 5 bags of groceries - at same time.

8) Your old bras and cute matching underwear sets. Consider again in 18 months.

9) Intense political/topical debate - you never know which side you will end up with the hormones, and general annoyance at being the only sober person at the table.

10) Fish products of any kind - they are repulsive and vomit inducing.

You wanna hang out? I'm so much fun to be around!