How? She is not even 100cm high.
We are having a hell of a time. If I was to relay events of recent weeks in a visual montage with a soundtrack, some of the following images would be sourced:
- Her using all her mini-strength to lift a gerry-can into the shopping trolley while hapless mother searches for toilet paper
- Her waving her teachers away at school as they try to write her name on her painting <fade in voice over of her yelling "it's not your painting, it's MINE">
- Her four limbs gripping onto me as the teachers pull her off at the beginning of a school day
- The 'love' towards her young sibling which thinly veils her real feelings, and usually ends in some form of mild assault on the baby
- Her sitting on the bathroom floor, unwrapping pads, removing adhesive strips, then sticking them on the floor while helpless mother looks on in the background, with breastfeeding baby attached
- A little hand throwing a handful of eclipse mints into a full bath
- A little lady sitting on her red and yellow mini toilet seat <fade in voice over of her yelling "Daddy I want PRIVACY!">
- A little hand pulling buttons off her dress <fade in voice over of "Mummy, sew my buttons back on!">
- A shot of Mummy pouring wine into a generic looking tumbler with clock in background to indicate 4.10pm
- A repeat of gerry-can shot, as to be honest it was pretty goddamned funny, even to me
- Final shot of sleeping angel cuddling Miffy in bed, which always creates parental amnesia regarding the day's events.
Backing track: You can't always get what you want (for shots of parents despairing) and Superfreak (for all images of toddler crime)
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